I haven't been so great at keeping this blog updated. Somehow, I thought that I would be able to document all the little things going on with us, and it would be a good way to remember the life of raising twins. Well it has definitely been crazy, and so the blog has been neglected.
This whole mommy thing is hard.
I hate to complain about it, because I really am so happy with this new role of mine.
But there are some pretty tough days, and I can't help but feel a little down.
But there are some pretty tough days, and I can't help but feel a little down.
I think the first few months I was just running on fresh new-mommy energy.
The last few weeks, though, I've been feeling a little less steam.
The last few weeks, though, I've been feeling a little less steam.
I can't decide whether it has been as hard or harder than what I expected. I mean, how can you really imagine what being a parent will be like? I don't have anything to compare this experience to, because obviously, this is my first go-around. But considering everything- diapers, bottles, laundry, lack of sleep, screaming newborn, juggling tasks, spit up, blowouts, feeding, soothing (this list can go on...)- then double that- phew, it's overwhelming just thinking about it!
I'm glad that Charlotte and Grady are my first, because there's no way I could do all of this plus be chasing after other little ones, but I sometimes wish I had a better idea of what I'm doing. I know first time moms all feel some sense of inadequacy. I've just been experiencing a major case of it recently. On top of that, I worry that because I'm trying to juggle two babies, I'm not giving as much as I should to each one... that my time and attention and patience is divided. It bums me out.
Today, I had a moment where I thought to myself that I wish I had someone to capture it on tape... It was time for the babies to eat, so I changed their diapers, then got their bottles ready and took them to the living room where I go when I feed them at the same time. Well in the space of that time, they both decided they couldn't wait any longer and just started to melt down. I quickly got the bottle in Grady's mouth and he was content. But Charlotte, oh man. When that girl works herself up, she has a really hard time calming down, and she struggles with feedings as it is. So that did not go well. I kept trying to feed Grady, because every time I pulled the bottle away to tend to Charlotte, he would instantly start screaming. But nothing I did would calm Charlotte down, and she wouldn't take her bottle or a binkie or anything. I was starting to get really frustrated, but then I just took a second, put Charlotte down safe on the couch next to me, and kept going with Grady. As terrible as this might sound, I had to laugh at the whole situation, even with Charlotte wailing away. It was craziness! Luckily, she eventually quieted down, and was happy again by the time I was done feeding Grady.
I've always wanted to be a mom, and I am so incredibly lucky to be that for my two miracle babies. I sure do love them so much! I try not to take this blessing for granted, and I don't want to sound ungrateful, especially since so many people try and try for kids with no success. Bryce and I got two! How lucky are we? I wouldn't trade this new life for anything. I guess I just need to reassure myself that it's okay to step back and take a breather and know that no matter how much I wanted this, there are going to be difficult days.
But thank goodness that the good always outweighs the hard!
But thank goodness that the good always outweighs the hard!
And to end on a good note, take a look at these crazy, but very cute babies :)
5 comments:
So cute! Keep up the good work. It is hard....but it gets better!
Lauren - as someone who is sort of in your shoes right now, I totally understand the frustration and lack of steam (it happens to me all the time and I don't have twins!) but I CAN tell you that the babies themselves will get easier in some ways. Yes, my baby is not starting to scoot around so I need to watch her, but she also doesn't seem to cry as much for no reason. Her schedule is pretty regular most days, she sleeps all night, and even though I still feel down and drained sometimes, she's also more and more interactive and rewarding. And if you ever feel lonely or down, call me and we'll go for a walk or something!
Sis, you are a saint. A SAINT!! I honestly don't know how you do it with those two tiny babies. One was always plenty for me. I know you are trying to keep a positive attitude, which is great, but just know that all moms out there know exactly what you are talking about and don't judge you in the least! Motherhood is plenty hard, plenty relentless, plenty thankless, plenty messy, and plenty exhausting, among other things. It is frustrating and emotionally draining. It definitely brings out the insecurities and doubts that make you feel like you never really know what you are doing, or if you should be doing something different. But I know one thing, because I've witnessed it - you are an AMAZING mommy! You are just what those babies need, and they are just what you need. You do an incredible job with them - day in and day out - and you are personally sacrificing so much to do so. I say ditto to the comment before mine, that if you can just hang in there, it does get easier! When you're in the thick of things that isn't much comfort, I know, but just know that you won't always be swimming in diapers and spit up and bottles and tears. And in the meantime, know that you can call on me anytime! I am always up for a good venting sesh. :) Love you, Sis!!! You're such an example to me!
Lauren! You are one incredible mom! I second every single thing Corie said! Hang in there!
I love you! I remember these days, I learned to get really good and holding two babies and two bottles at the same time. I also remember a day I was trying to fold laundry and at the exact same time the boys needed me and had a complete melt down and where screaming at the top of their lungs. In that moment I decided to laugh and record it and send it to Neal with a caption saying, don't you wish this was your job.
You will always feel you aren't giving them enough of what they need but remember this, the one you are giving the most attention to at the time is the one that needs it and it is OKAY.
Take a nap when they do, cleaning and everything else can wait.
Never be hesitant on calling in reinforcements. Call a neighbor, visiting teacher, someone, when you get those frazzled moments. Everyone wants to hold and snuggle and feed a baby and they will be happy to come and help.
Another one of my saving graces was getting the young women to come and play with the boys and I taught them how to feed, change and take care of them. By doing this I ended up with the girls I trusted and knew how to take care of my kids and I never was worried about going on a date without them. I also was able to get other things done while the girls played with or took the boys for walks.
call me anytime. i have been there, done it and SURVIVED! love you, you are amazing and you are doing amazing.
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